My Experience With Functioning Depression

All my life I have dealt with anxiety and depression in some form. From mild to suicidal, I’ve run the depression and anxiety gamut. I’ve had panic attacks (two of which cost me a job) and I’ve been Baker Acted twice for suicide. But even with all of that experience, it took me years to figure out that I was dealing with functioning depression (I’d call it high-functioning, but I was functioning on a very low level).Read More »

How Insecurity Ruins Relationships

Relationships can be difficult. They can be beautiful and wonderful, sure, but damn can they be difficult. Sometimes, without even realizing it, we make them harder than they need to be. One of the ways we do that is by making our own problem – something only we can solve – the problem of our partner, too.

Here’s an example from my own life (since that’s what this site is all about, ya know). When my husband and I first started dating I was very insecure. I still don’t have very good self-esteem, but at the time it was completely non-existent. Over the years I have gained some, but it’s a daily battle.

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Me, Too

I’m a bit late here, but today I’m going to share my #MeToo story. If you’re unaware of this campaign, you can see more about it here. Although I’ve dealt with this twice in my life, I’m going to focus on the harassment I received in the workplace. The assault I experienced as a child will be saved for another time.

“If It Were Me, I’d…”

We all think we know how we’d react in any given situation. We have in our minds that if it were us, we’d stick up for ourselves or fight back. And after being assaulted as a child, I swore up and down that I would never let anyone make me feel like that again. I told myself that if someone ever tried to harass or assault me again I would fight back. I’m not a meek person nor do I put up with injustice. However, I’ve found that I’m much better at standing up for others than I am standing up for myself.Read More »

When Doctors Do Harm

I have worked in the medical field for a decade now and in that time I have met some very good doctors. Doctors who are honest, caring and compassionate and who genuinely want to help their patients.

That said, the following two doctors permanently tainted my view of doctors – especially in the mental health field – indefinitely.Read More »

Resilience: A Learned Behavior

If I had a dime for every project I’ve abandoned, I would be able to retire at the ripe ol’ age of 29. I’m not proud of it by any means, but it’s the truth.

There are a couple of reasons for it. First, I hate being bad at something, even if I’ve never done it. Second, I was never taught how to be resilient or to not give up when I couldn’t get something right.Read More »

The Difference Between Addiction & Dependency

Both in life and online, I often see people confusing the two terms. Especially how they relate to opiates or pain medications. It is very difficult for a lot of people to understand how someone who is addicted to an opioid differs from someone who is dependent. They do share one similarity, so I can understand this to an extent, but even with that, they are two very different issues with very different symptoms, causes and treatments.Read More »

Learning From Failure

I’ve been gone for a while due to some things happening in my life. In the past month I have lost a job, gained a job and then lost that one. I’ve dealt with depression and self-hatred and frustration and pain. I’ve had nervous breakdowns and many, many moments of doubt.

One thing I’ve learned during the last 28 years is that life doesn’t care about your plans or wants or needs. There really is no rhyme or reason to life; it just is. That’s not to say that there is nothing to live for, just that trying to figure out why things happen the way they do is sort of fruitless.Read More »

What Chronic Pain Takes Away

Monday was the five year anniversary of the accident which left me in chronic pain. This has been with me for half a decade, but it feels like it just happened.

I am one of the more fortunate ones who deals with chronic pain, because my pain doesn’t completely stop me from being able to function. I’m able to work part-time and can generally go out and do things when needed. Of course there are more at home days than out of the house days, but compared to some people I know dealing with chronic pain, my situation isn’t the worst.Read More »