Jealousy & Attraction

There are some aspects of a relationship that are unavoidable. Some are good and others aren’t so great, but they’re going to happen.

Jealousy is one of these. A certain level of jealousy is normal and even healthy at times. When it comes from a place of love and not control, it is a sign that you still care about your partner and don’t want to lose them. If it’s the other way around, however, it’s a sign that you feel that you have some claim on your partner.

I remember during a date night – which might have even been our anniversary – I caught my husband checking out our waitress. I could have gotten hurt or angry, but instead I thought about the man I checked out on the way in. Both people were attractive, including the waitress, and neither of us just suddenly became blind when we started dating, nor did we just suddenly stop finding other people attractive.

When I see that one of my husband’s celebrity crushes is coming out with new material, I tell him. And just the other day he was watching a soccer game and told me I’d want to watch because, “There are a bunch of hot guys on this team.”

One of the reasons we can do this is because we are confident in ourselves, our relationship and what we each bring to it. He knows that I would never want anyone but him and vice versa (we also each know that no one else would put up with either of us for long). Another reason is that we trust each other. Trust is such a huge part of a relationship on so many levels and without it there will always be cracks in the foundation.

Being in a relationship comes with enough issues, so don’t sweat the small stuff. Looking at an attractive person doesn’t equal cheating and it doesn’t mean that your partner will cheat. It just means they saw an attractive person. Your partner looking at someone else doesn’t mean they don’t find you attractive, either.

Of course there is a fine line between looking and cheating, but it’s not right to assume that looking will always lead to cheating. I’m sure you’ve seen attractive people and checked them out before, too. Did you immediately get their number or make out with them? Probably not. (If you did… Well, that’s another post entirely…)

Your partner will check out other people, just like you will. It’s human nature.

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2 thoughts on “Jealousy & Attraction

  1. My husband has always been very honest and upfront, which is so appreciated! He has never tried to hide when he checks out another woman but has always been respectful if he makes comments. I will be honest, in the very beginning of our relationship it would make me so mad but then I realized he was being honest with me and would never do anything to harm our relationship. We have been together for 14 years and now I join him with looking at others and I make comments on pretty waitresses or others. If you can’t beat them join them! You are right it is so important to have confidence and trust your partner, jealously will never help the relationship!

    • I’m glad you worked it out! My husband doesn’t do it often, but when he did I used to get upset about it, too, and it was mainly due to underlying insecurities. As I became more confident I stopped worrying about it. Then I realized that I checked men out and it meant nothing to me so it was the same for when he looked at women.

      Yes jealousy can ruin otherwise great relationships. Honesty and communication make such a difference!

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